Adventitious Cerebration

The Power Of Music

2011-08-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

So, I've been battling a pretty serious bout of depression this past week. I've blogged about my depression before, so I won't go into it too much. Suffice it to say that the planets aligned just right (or wrong) to put me in a place I haven't been in a long time. It's not fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 47. Now, before you chime in and start pointing your finger at that as the source of my depression, let me stop you. While it's true that I'm not a big fan of birthdays, it's not the "getting older" part that bothers me. I'm human. I get older. We all do. I simply think making such a big deal about a single day is kind of silly.

Anyhow, about my birthday. Last Spring, I learned that Return To Forever, the legendary jazz-fusion group, would be playing in Columbus on my birthday. Readers will note that my introduction to jazz was facilitated by an introduction to one Stanley Clarke, bassist for RTF. Needless to say, I bought tickets.

So, the concert was last night. The opening band was Zappa Plays Zappa - Dweezil, along with some other excellent musicians, playing his father's music. It was really something to see and hear.

Then, RTF hit the stage. We were third row center. And I could feel my depression washing away from me. At one point, I wanted to cry - tears of joy, not tears of sadness. This is the power of music.

My Friend Gil

2011-06-13T05:23:00.000-07:00

In honor of Pride Month, I've decided it was time to share this very personal story...

When I got my first job as a computer programmer in '92, I shared an office with a couple of other guys. One of those guys was a balding, overweight, heavily-bearded person who just never seemed to be able to get his clothes to match. His name was Gil.

Now, Gil was a very friendly and personable character. He had a wry sense of humor and a boisterous laugh. I immediately felt at ease with him. I found out later that his mismatched sense of fashion came from his colored blindness, which also accounted for the extra tie and pair of socks he kept in his briefcase.

The thing I remember most about Gil was his love of music. He would come in every day with 5 or 6 cassette tapes, which he would play throughout the day for the enjoyment of anyone entering our office. Fortunately, I found that I loved listening to music while writing code, so this worked out well for me. We listened to all kinds of music. He turned me on to some wonderful, eclectic stuff, and occasionally I was able to do the same for him.

It wasn't until some time later that I found out he was gay. This did not present a problem for me, because growing up in and around Atlantic City, I'd been exposed to quite a lot. My mom had gay friends when I was young. I knew a good many gay people. It really was not a problem and didn't effect our relationship at all. At least not at first.

We would hang together at lunch, sometimes breaking off from the other "pod of programmers" as we walked along the boardwalk after eating. We discussed various forms of pop culture, went to see the film adaptation of Burrows' "Naked Lunch" and made plans of getting together to jam sometime (he played keys). I suppose some people might accuse me of having a "boy crush" on him, but I don't think so. I just genuinely liked him.

And then, one day when he was out and I was walking off lunch with one of the other developers, he told me that someone had asked him if I was gay. Now, normally, I don't give two shits what other people think about me. I dress how I like, wear my hair how I like, and just let it go. But I was in an odd place in my life at this time. I had had my heart torn apart a couple of years earlier and had just stayed away from any kind of romantic relationship since then, but I knew it was time for me to get back into the game. And here I was making people question my sexuality.

Eventually I started to put some space between Gil and me. I would let him go off on his own during lunch while I walked with the other group. I still liked him and we still talked, but I just allowed myself some distance. I remember one Friday in particular he invited me to a party at his house--a "Wizard of Oz" party. "Come dressed as your favorite munchkin," he said, "and we'll all watch the movie on TV." I told him I'd be there, got his address and then, come Friday, spent the evening hanging with an old friend while I watched the minutes tick away on the clock.

When I saw him on Monday, I apologized for skipping the party. He assured me it was alright, that I'd missed a good one, and that it would be on TV again. I told him I'd be sure to catch the next one.

Two days later he was dead. He had been in a car accident on the Margate bridge. He hit a patch of black ice, slid into the rail and broke his neck.

People have asked me why I care so much about GLBT issues. After all, I'm not gay...why is it so important to me that they be allowed to marry or adopt children? I usually say something about it not being a "gay" issue so much as a "human being" issue. And that's 100% true, but it runs deeper than that for me. I had considered myself to be an enlightened person, and yet I managed to let my own, deep-seated issues separate me from my friend in what would be the last months of his life.

I've mostly forgiven myself for this, but have never let myself forget it.

How jazz has ruined my life

2011-02-15T04:55:00.000-08:00

The year is 1986. I'm playing in a very good originals hard rock band. The writing is good and the musicianship is top notch. I'm happy (well, for me anyway). Sure, we were what would one day be called a "hair" band, but we enjoyed it. It was good music and good fun. Then the drummer, one Jimmy Paxson, introduces me to Stanley Clarke (not literally...in album form). It seems his mother played keys with Stanley and he assured me it would blow me away.

He wasn't kidding. Here was a music where the bass wasn't buried beneath all the other instruments. The music was complex and driving and just...there. That day was the beginning of the end for me.

Fast forward a couple of years. I'm still playing "hair" band music, but in a different band. We're good, and have a decent following around South Jersey, but I could tell something was missing for me. When I went home from practice, I no longer listened to Ozzy or Metallica or even Bon Jovi. I listened to Jean-luc Ponty and Jaco Pastorius and Return to Forever. This was the music that did it for me. Eventually, the rock band broke up (as they do) and I did finally manage to find myself in a fusion style band. Of course, the problem was that there was no audience for it, so our playing was limited to the basement.

Move ahead another decade or so and you find me selling all of my instruments because I don't play and I have kids and a job that take up my time. But this won't last long.

So, eventually, as the kids get a little older and no longer need constant attention, I get the bug again. I buy a really nice bass (because I can finally afford a really nice bass) and start playing. But wait a minute. What kind of music am I going to play? I can't play covers. I hate playing covers! I still like fusion, but it's even less popular than it was in the 80s.

Then, for some reason, I started going backwards. Who influenced the fusion artists? I started taking Miles and Coltrane CDs out of the library. I bought classics like Cannonball Adderly and Charles Mingus. I familiarized myself with the bassists of the time - Paul Chambers, Sam Jones, etc. This stuff was fantastic. You start with a chord progression and a melody. The horns play the melody so it gets in your head. And then they just start playing. You can still hear the melody in your head as the soloist builds on it. It's the perfect marriage of musicianship and creativity. Oh, and the bass! The bassist doesn't just sit on the root of the chord. He's playing chord tones and scale tones and passing tones, all while driving the music forward...always to the next measure. And then what's this? The bassist gets a solo? Really?!? And it's not just a solo thrown in to keep the bassist from complaining too much either. A jazz bassist is expected to know how to solo.

Of course, all of this is done on a double bass. So I get a double bass and a teacher. At 40+ years old, I pick up what is essentially a new instrument. Sure, it's strung the same as an electric bass, but that's where the similarities end. Even with my fretless bass experience, it's just not the same instrument. It's quite physically demanding and difficult just to even get a good sound. But I figured it's worth it because nothing says jazz like the double bass.

Remember what I said about jazz being the perfect marriage of musicianship and creativity? Well, I have a very limited supply of each of these. Sure, I can find my way around an electric bass ok, and I can find a decent groove, but walking bass on an upright? Well, that's a different animal.

So how has jazz ruined my life? Well, simply put, everything else pales in comparison to me. Sure, I still like classic rock, but hell if I want to play it. And I like blues (and, quite frankly, could possibly be a good blues player if I put my mind to it), but it gets old fast. But jazz? I could (and do) listen to that all day. But even now I can't seem to play it. After 6 years, the upright still gives me fits. I struggle to play a simple two octave scale. Add that to trying to swing the beat and drive the music and outline the chord movement, and I just fall apart. (Don't even ask about soloing.)

There you have it. My current music process moves on a continuous cycle:

I'm going to be a jazz bassist. I'm going to work to tackle this damn instrument if it kills me and I'm going to play music that most people no longer listen to (and that's...ok). But then I try to play and realize I'm 46 years old and can barely play a scale after 6 years of trying. So...
I'm going to play electric jazz. I have the equipment and (some) of the talent, I can do this. But wait. Even fewer people listen to electric jazz, including me. It just doesn't strike me the same. And what passes for fusion these days is filled with college students who don't want to play with an old man. So...
I'm going to play blues. It has improv (sometimes) and lots of people like it. But for some reason I can't stand to listen to it for more than 1/2 an hour or so because it all just sounds the same. Same form, same solo, same same same. So...
Go to step 1

I Need a New Music...One That Won't Make Me Sick

2010-07-28T05:16:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've taken to saying that, with few exceptions, no good music has been written or recorded since 1980. Of course, I don't really believe that's so, but that's the way it seems.

Of course, a good bit of this has to do with my current musical situation. As of now, I have three completely different projects happening:

The Rock Band
I grew up on rock, this is what I've played most of my life, nearly always original music. But no one wants to hear a 46 year old hippy play a bunch of original tunes, so I play in a cover band. We've decided, though, that we're going to play what we like rather than what we think other people want to hear. As such, we're sticking with largely late 60's, early 70's bluesy-rock like Led Zep, Hendrix, Grand Funk, stuff like that. We've thrown in a couple of newer songs, but this is what we dig and what we sound best doing.

The Jazz Band
My friend Jody plays ukulele and asked me to sit in with her on upright bass a couple of months ago. I had a great time playing old standards as well as a few 70's rock tunes in an gypsy-jazz style. Since then, she's added a cello player to the mix and, while we haven't played together in a while, I can't wait to pick this back up again.

The Orchestra
Yes, I do plan on playing with the Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra again. I took some time off to get my head together, but really think this is a good thing for me. Helps to keep my playing the upright.

As you can see, aside from two songs the rock band plays, I'm not playing anything written past 1975. The anemic state of radio in central Ohio keeps me listening to one of the 5 available classic rock stations, with occasional switches to the one jazz station. I think there's a classical music station somewhere on AM.

I've tried listening to new music, but it just doesn't strike me. And that's probably ok, since I doubt I'm the target demographic. Even the two newer songs we do play, I just don't care for them. I don't find them to be particularly enjoyable beyond a single listen, and the songwriting/musicianship is just too shallow.

So here I am, stuck paying big bucks going to nostalgia concerts. I'm asking: Is there any new music out there that's inherently listenable? Preferably something that requires more than 6 months of music lessons at the local Guitar Center to be able to play (assuming it's even played on musical instruments and not a synthesizer with a turntable and drum machine)?

I realize no one but my wife reads my blog, but eventually this post will make it over to Facebook, so maybe some of my friends can recommend something for me to listen to? Or are you all stuck in the same boat too?

Thirsty Ear, Thursday, June 3rd, 6PM to 8PM - La jeune fille est un poison

2010-05-25T06:26:00.000-07:00

Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra Spring 2010 Performance Schedule

2010-02-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

May 4, 12 pm
Dublin Retirement Village
6470 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

May 6, 1 pm
First Community Retirement Community
1800 Riverside Drive
Upper Arlington

May 11, 1 pm
Trillium Place Retirement Center
Trillium Crossing
Columbus, Oh

May 13, 12 pm
North Broadway United Methodist Church
48 E. North Broadway
Columbus, Oh

May 18, 12 pm
Cardinal Health
Dublin, Oh

May 20, 1 pm
Abbey Theater
Dublin Recreation Center
5600 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

May 23, 1 pm
Military Families of Union County, Readiness Group (Fundraiser)
Veterans Theater
233 W 6th Street
Marysville, Oh

Lost

2009-11-18T05:07:00.001-08:00

I (like many people I'm sure) have always identified myself by what I like to do in my spare time. When I was young, that was music. Okay, before that it was BMX racing, but that was short lived. I really liked playing music. I practiced all the time. I took lessons every week. I went to concerts all the time. I was a musician.

Granted, there was a year or so when I was a motorhead. My friend and I pulled the motor out of my '76 Camero and wedged it into a fully customized '73 Vega. Fun stuff indeed. That is until I wrecked the car and could only afford to replace it with an '82 Chevette. Then it was back to music.

Music was it for me too. I parked cars during the day and practiced with my band every night. We even moved out to L.A. to try to make it, but that didn't work out so well. Even so, I played all over South Jersey and a couple of the bands I played in had a pretty decent following.

Come about 28 or 29, I started to realize that I wasn't going to be the rock star I'd anticipated. That, in addition to a major character flaw that kept me from wanting to starve for my art, made me cut my hair and go to school for computer programming.

But that was okay. I had a knack for it. That became my new identity. I got a good job as a programmer and even spent my weekends writing code. I tried to keep up with music a little, but without the promise of superstardome, my heart wasn't in it. I even bought a mountainbike and tried to make that my off time thing, but one nasty encounter with a tree put an end to that. No, I was a computer guy. That was my thing. And it was good because people were willing to pay me good money to do my thing.

So I fell in love and had kids the way people are wont to do, and my thing helped us a great deal along the way. I even sold my bass guitars and amps. Didn't need them anymore. But after several years of being paid to do my thing, I didn't like doing it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still did it because it paid the bills, but I began looking for something else to identify with.

Then I walked into a Harley dealer. And that was it! I was a biker. I loved riding the bike. I rode in the winter, I rode in the rain, I rode all of the time. I did all of my own work on the bike, tearing it down and putting it back together. I was the real deal. Except I wasn't. I didn't really fit in. I tried to do the poker runs and toy runs and such, but these weren't really my peeps. I preferred to ride my own ride. The problem was, it was a very solitary thing. I liked riding with Tammy, but the bike was too small for riding any real distances for the both of us. Plus, money was getting tight and friends were getting in accidents and it was time to sell the bike.

In an effort to find a new me, I tried woodworking. I built a few things and they turned out ok, but I didn't really enjoy it. It was a chore.

Then I tried mountainbiking again. Epic fail.

So, it was back to music for me. I restocked my bass arsenal and even started playing upright bass for a fresh start. And I've been trying to make this my identity for the last five years. The problem is, I'm not sure it fits anymore. I feel lost in it. I can't find myself in it.

A big part of the problem for me is style. I listen to several different styles of music and like them all: rock (hard, heavy, classic), jazz (bebop, hard bop, swing) and even country (old school stuff mostly). I just don't know where to go. Or more accurately, I find it highly unlikely that I can go where I'd like.

I don't want to play classic rock covers. I don't find anything wrong with it, it's just not something I've ever enjoyed doing and can't see myself being happy with it now. And while I certainly like listening to the heavy stuff, I don't see that working out very well for this aging body. Loud music makes my head hurt and my back can't lift Marshall stacks anymore.

Country has never really been on the table. I like to listen to it, but I don't own cowboy boots or a cowboy hat and probably never will.

Jazz is nice. Listening to it makes my feet move and has, on occasion, brought me nearer to tears than anything I've heard since "On My Own" from Les Miserables. But I can't play it. In order to play believable jazz, it needs to be in your soul. You need to eat, sleep and be jazz. And you need to do so early on because it's a lot to absorb. I've only been dancing around its edges for 5 years or so.

I have recently replaced the motorcycle, but I only ride it when it's really nice out. I don't plan on working on this one either. I'm past that stage now.

People have told me (in the most positive way) to just shut up and play. But I can't. I'm envious of those who can. That's never been me. I need to have a direction. A purpose. An identity. And until I find that, I'll remain lost.

Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra Winter 2009 Performance Schedule

2009-09-24T05:07:00.000-07:00

Dec 2, 1:30 pm
Hoffman Trails Elementary School
4301 Hoffman Farms Dr.
Hilliard, Oh

Dec 3, 12 pm
Dublin Retirement Village
6470 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

Dec 8, 1 pm
Trinity Lutheran Elementary School
220 South Walnut Street
Marysville, OH

Dec 10, 1:30 pm
Friendship Village - Columbus
5800 Forest Hill Blvd
Columbus, Oh

Dec 12, 7:30 pm
Care Train of Union County (Fundraiser)
Veterans Auditorium
233 W 6th Street
Marysville, Oh

Dec 15, 1 pm
Trillium Place Retirement Center
Trillium Crossing
Columbus, Oh

Dec 16, 12 pm
Cardinal Health
Dublin, Oh

Dec 17, 1 pm
Abbey Theater
Dublin Recreation Center
5600 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

What It's Like To Be Me

2009-08-27T05:22:00.000-07:00

Late last week I applied for a new job within my company. This job entails using new technology and is aligned with the future of the company. It would be a great move for me.

Early this week, I accepted the job offer with a nice increase in pay! Great, right? I should be skipping down the halls, right?

Instead, I've been depressed all week. Why? Because I'll never play bass as well as this guy: Rufus Philpot.

This is what it's like to live inside my head.

Nostalgia

2009-08-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

I went to South Jersey last weekend for the first time in several years. The reason for the visit was my 26th year high school reunion (it's a long story).

The weekend encompassed a roller coaster of emotions for me. Of course, it started with the joy of seeing Atlantic City again and noting the improvements that have been made since my last visit. This was followed by the reunion itself. What a wonderful evening, seeing old friends and acquaintances from high school. Reminiscing about the "good old days". I had so much fun I really didn't want it to end. In fact, some of us stayed out until 3:00 am in an effort to continue the party.

The next day began the downhill portion of my roller coaster ride. I drove the family through my old neighborhood, pointing out to the girls the 5 miles I had to ride my bike in the snow uphill both ways to school, and the houses of my friends who, in one way or another, were no longer around. Then we went to Ocean City. I told my family of the endless nights we spent trolling the boardwalk, from one end to the other. The days we'd spend on the beach catching some rays. At this point I found myself mourning my youth. I saw all of the young people walking around as I used to, and realized that I'd never have that feeling back again.

Driving back to AC, we took the route I used to take when I worked at Resorts. It was then that I started reliving the loneliness that I felt during those days. The years of driving home from work to an empty apartment, dreading the weekends when I would hardly speak to another living being. This is a time that I did not mourn.

But of course, those times led to meeting my wife, buying a house, having kids, moving to Ohio...the things which cured my loneliness and gave me purpose.

That evening my family and I had dinner with some old friends from high school. It was at this point that I came back to the present...and enjoyed it. I was in a bar with family and friends in a town that raised me. This is what it means to be happy.

Meet Penelope

2009-06-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

So, my wife says to me on Father's Day she says, "Let's go to the Harley dealer."

I had been hinting around at wanting a new bike for a couple of months now. I sold my old bike about 4 years ago and missed it. One of the reasons I sold it was because it was too small and Tammy didn't ride with me very often because of this. I couldn't afford to upgrade at the time and just wasn't having as much fun with it as I should have been.

I knew what I wanted this time around. I wanted a touring bike. In particular, I wanted a Harley Davidson Road King. I looked at other brands, and no one offers anything like it. I looked at other Harley models, and would have been perfectly happy with an Electra Glide, but to me the Road King is the epitome. But I also knew what I wanted to spend, and finding any touring bike in my price range would be next to impossible.

So, we go to the dealer and there she sits:

She already had the upgrades that I would look to add, most significantly the tour pack (trunk) on the back. She was a color that I like. (I hate the blue/silver that so many RKs wear...looks too much like a Dallas Cowboy's uniform.) Even though she's 11 years old, she only had 14,000 miles. And best of all, she was in my price range!

So, why the name Penelope you ask.
When I was a young child, I had to have my tonsils removed. This was back in the day when they removed tonsils if you sneezed. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and wasn't happy about it, so my parents got me a stuffed animal to keep me company. Why they chose a pink horse, I don't know, but that's what they gave me. I immediately named it Penelope after who I now recognize as my first crush, Penelope Pitstop. Penelope the iron horse is an homage to Penelope the pink horse, and of course to Ms. Pitstop.

Billy Two Shoes in Pickerington, OH on Saturday, 04/25

2009-04-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

New Billy Two Shoes CD Released Today!!!

2009-03-31T19:03:00.000-07:00

The long awaited Billy Two Shoes CD, titled "New Shoes", has officially been released (basically, the CDs arrived by mail). We haven't yet scheduled a CD release party, but the new CDs are currently for sale (along with the previous release) on the Billy Two Shoes MySpace page.

The track list is as follows:

01. Times Ain't So Tough
02. Differ
03. Best That You Leave It Alone
04. Nursery Gin
05. Doin' What You Can
06. Headin' Back Down Home
07. Ain't Goin' Out Today
08. A Poem About A Pig
09. Beggar's Den
10. Drives Me Cold
11. Think You Know
12. Poor Man

Please note that $7 from each CD sale goes straight to food banks in Gallia County, OH and Logan County, WV, two places that greatly inspired this CD.

Edit: Anyone local who knows me, please contact me to buy the CD for $10 to save on shipping.

Atheist, Buddhist, Secular Humanist

2009-03-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

I've never considered myself a Christian. My mom was Christian, but rarely went to church, and my dad insisted I not be baptized as a baby, saying I should make my own decision on the matter when I'm old enough. As such, I didn't have a whole lot of exposure to religion.

I did go to church regularly when I was 8 or so, for about a year. I was living with my aunt and her husband, who was one of those who thought it was a good idea for everyone in the household to go to church every Sunday. Everyone except him, of course. I didn't mind though. I had already made up my mind about God's existence, even at that age, but I found the bible stories to be entertaining enough. We followed it up with Sunday School, which did nothing to change my beliefs (or lack thereof).

It's been a struggle, trying to determine my spiritual identity. I used to just put 'none' on forms, but that never suited me because I do have opinions on the subject. I tried 'agnostic' for a while, but that didn't fit either. Over the last several years, I've bounced back and forth between these three:

Atheism
This term immediately brings certain things to mind, few of them pleasant. For just this reason, I resisted this label for the longest time. But the internet opened things up a little, enough for me to see that Atheism is not the evilness it's portrayed to be. But there is still a certain militant view within that I just can't follow. In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't bother me that our money has "In God We Trust" written on it. And while I will eagerly educate anyone who thinks "under God" has always been in the pledge (It was added in 1954 as a means of separating us from the "Godless communists." The pledge itself was written in 1892 without the "under God" phrase.), there are bigger problems in the world. But I do agree that Intelligent Design has no place in science class, unless the teacher wants to use it to demonstrate what a theory is not.

Buddhism
I practiced this on and off for a couple of years. I like it. I like it a lot. It brings me peace. But there are portions of it I just can't get behind, such as karma and reincarnation. I believe in karma only to the point of "what comes around, goes around" or, in bible terms, "as you sow, so shall you reap." But I don't believe there are supernatural forces governing this.

But what's interesting here is that I don't necessarily believe the Buddha himself was as concerned with these aspects as he was the path. That still appeals to me.

While researching and practicing this, I did a lot of reading. I belonged to several online Buddhist forums and discussion groups, and I found a lot of disagreement and infighting. Ghandi once said "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." The same could be said of many Buddhists I met online.

Still, I did not let that sway me. The thing that ultimately led to my abandoning the teachings was the precept against killing. Sure, not killing people is pretty easy. But when every life form is viewed as equal, it gets more difficult. Take food for example. I could relatively easily do a vegetarian diet. I did it for almost a year, even through Thanksgiving. But when I began to think of other aspects, such as the dairy industry directly supporting the veal industry, then things get more difficult. Also, at the time, a motorcycle was my primary means of transportation. Ever try to find a non-leather motorcycle boot that offered decent protection? And now? An upright bass is held together with hide glue, made from animal hides.

Of course, you find ways of making things work for you. A cow will feed many more people than a chicken will, so eating steak is better than eating chicken. And tastes better too.

Of the various Buddhist sects, I identify with Theravada Buddhism mostly, though I don't agree with everything.

Secular Humanism
I first heard this term on NPR seven or eight years ago. I liked it. It's a means of conveying a lack of belief in the supernatural without sounding scary. It also places the focus on humanity rather than the God question. Perhaps this is why, when I took the Belief-O-Matic quiz on Beliefnet.com, Secular Humanism was at the top of this list at 100%. The human equation is more important to me than the spiritual equation.

So what's the answer? I still don't know. A keen eye will notice that I spent more time discussing Buddhism than any of the others. This could be due to it being the only one of the three offering anything to the spirit. Or it could be that I'm feeling my inner Buddha today (which I am apparently).

As for the quiz, here are my top 10 results:

1.	Secular Humanism (100%)
2.	Unitarian Universalism (92%)
3.	Liberal Quakers (81%)
4.	Neo-Pagan (72%)
5.	Theravada Buddhism (71%)
6.	Nontheist (69%)
7.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (65%)
8.	Taoism (59%)
9.	New Age (57%)
10.	Reform Judaism (48%)

20 Years

2009-02-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

Last month marked 20 years since my mom died. She died very suddenly at the age of 41 from a brain aneurysm. Since my parents had divorced when I was young and I was raised mostly by her alone, this devastated me. It took me a long time to recover from this. And as I did, I began to change.

As a young man, I was very much as I was when I was a teenager. I was stubborn, narcissistic and border-line misogynistic. If it didn't directly effect me, it didn't exist. No one's opinion mattered but my own. My relationships were clouded in jealousy and distrust. I often said things with little or no regard to other people's feelings. I was not a very good friend.

I had never really suffered anything remotely approaching tragedy. I suppose parents divorcing is fairly traumatic to a child, but I didn't recognize this then. I remember being told of a friend's parent dying, and I didn't understand what the big deal was. People die. We all will. Get over it.

And then my mom died. And finally I understood. I became aware of mortality; my own and that of others. I began to really look at the person that I was, and I didn't like him. I began to understand the hurt that I had caused people, the relationships that I ruined. I didn't want to be that person anymore.

It's been a long road from there to here. I'm saddened still to think of how I was then, but I try to make up for it now. I don't always succeed, but I try.

But Where Are Those Good, Old Fashioned Values?

2009-02-20T08:59:00.000-08:00

Sex, drugs, violence, bad language. TV is full of it. So are the movies.

As parents, we try to find a balance between overexposure and unrealistic sheltering. As the kids get older, this becomes more difficult. They've seen beer commercials and know that sex sells. They've been to the mall and heard bad language. Hell, they don't have to go to the mall for that. They just have to go school.

But here's what I find interesting: given the two, sex and violence, what's worse? My girls have reached the age where they're really into horror and slasher flicks. Since I also like horror and slasher flicks, I'm digging this stage. And as a parent, I watch the films first beforehand so I'm not surprised by anything. I recently enjoyed "Diary of the Dead" (George Romero really is the master of the genre) and I can't wait to watch it with the girls. No nudity, little bad language, lots and lots of blood and guts.

The thing is, as human beings, they will have sex. They will see people naked. I, for one, hope that they have healthy, happy sex lives when the time is right. But they will make mistakes. We all have. And they will learn from most of them, just like we have. (Notice I didn't say all - there are some things we just never learn.)

As middle-school/junior high students, they've heard just about every "bad" word there is. I've read my daughter's blog. She uses them correctly.

Unfortunately, sometimes people experience violence. But we all hope that this never happens to us or our children. And for the majority of us, it won't. Certainly not to the extent that we see on TV. And yet, sex and language seem to be of most concern. But why is that? Do we really think George Carlin's 7 words will do our children irreparable harm? Will seeing a breast or a penis scar them for life? How about watching someone get shot in the head?

Maybe it's just our own discomfort that leads to this. I was watching "Robocop" with my youngest (11) a couple of weeks ago. She was unphased by the massive killing machine at the beginning (too fake) and the violence (the guy losing his hand was cool and the guy splattered by the car was gross). But the language bothered her. To be honest, I forgot how bad the language is in that movie. Even so, it wasn't anything she hasn't heard before. But she was uncomfortable with it. And so was I.

Some weeks before, all four of us watched "Interview With The Vampire". Again, the blood and violence was just no big deal, though it did make for a great movie. The nudity, on the other hand, made us all uneasy.

So maybe it's our own uneasiness with sex that causes us to guard against it more. Or maybe we don't feel the need to shield them as much from things they may never experience (and I'm not just talking about vampires and zombies - there's plenty of realistic violence on TV as well).

I don't have any answers here, other than to turn off the TV I suppose.

Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra Spring 2009 Performance Schedule

2009-01-29T07:29:00.000-08:00

May 5, 1:30 pm
Friendship Village- Columbus
5800 Forest Hill Blvd.
Columbus, Oh

May 7, 1 pm
Wellington Senior Community
5863 Scioto-Darby Road
Hilliard, Oh

May 12, 1 pm
Whetstone Community Center
3923 North High Street
Columbus, OH

May 14, 1 pm
North Broadway United Methodist Church
48 E. North Broadway
Columbus, Oh

May 19, 1 pm
Trillium Place Retirement Center
Trillium Crossing
Columbus, Oh

May 20, 12 pm
Cardinal Health
Dublin, Oh

May 21, 1 pm
Abbey Theater
Dublin Recreation Center
5600 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

June 13, 7:30 pm
Union County Humane Society (Fundraiser)
Veterans Auditorium
233 W 6th Street
Marysville, Oh

Billy Two Shoes Videos

2009-01-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

Here are some videos from the Billy Two Shoes performance at Beehive Books last night:

Haystack

Doin' What You Can

Best That You Leave It Alone

Beggar's Den

Antisocial Media

2009-01-02T03:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have a blog, which you're reading. I have Twitter. I have MySpace and Facebook. That's a lot for someone who is essentially antisocial. Oh, I get together with people sometimes and talk and laugh and even enjoy myself, but even then, I let others do most of the talking and I observe. That's just me.

So what am I doing with all of these social media accounts? To be honest, I don't know. It started a couple of years ago with a blog. I posted to it every so often for my own enjoyment, mostly thoughts on politics and such. Of course, the only person who read it was my wife, and she knows my politics (and fortunately agrees with them).

Then I started a blog just for my music, thinking I'd use it as a sort of practice log. Of course, that didn't work out the way I'd planned because, as I learned a long time ago, just because it's on a computer that doesn't mean you'll do it.

I created a MySpace page so that I could post some music. I did manage to find a few old friends through it, so it wasn't a total bust. But I've never used it the way most people do, for networking. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've commented on someone else's page.

I'm not sure when/why I logged onto Facebook. I had the account for a year before I even did anything with it. I just never understood it. I still don't really. I've managed to find a couple more old friends through it, and I occasionally update my status and even have my blog forwarding to it, but I just don't understand how to use it.

And then there's Twitter. I update it occasionally as well, but wonder if anyone really cares that I ran out of milk and had to use reconstituted dry milk on my breakfast cereal.

I've read articles on using social media for gaining a larger audience, and I suppose if I had something to give or sell, that might make sense. But even then, that's just not me. I rarely talk to strangers and I don't know how to make small talk. I deleted my old blog out of frustration and created a new one 6 months later, but still rarely write anything significant (including this piece).

I'm often jealous of those who are social, who have a lot of followers on Twitter, who get a lot of comments on their blogs. But in the end, I just don't have what it takes to build a following, and don't really care to do the leg work (finger work?) to learn. Instead, I just log in to see what everyone else has to say, observe the interactions of those virtually around me, and then make use of the greatest antisocial media of all, the off button.

Billy Two Shoes Gig Friday, January 2nd

2008-12-30T07:36:00.000-08:00

Billy Two Shoes is playing this Friday at Beehive Books in Delaware for Delaware's First Friday event. We'll be playing two sets, starting around 7:30 pm. It'll be a nice, intimate setting with little (if any) amplification.

Orchestra Pictures

2008-12-23T04:15:00.000-08:00

I added a few pictures from our winter performances:

Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra - Winter 2008

Billy Two Shoes in Delaware, Ohio, this Saturday, Dec. 6

2008-12-02T04:07:00.000-08:00

Billy Two Shoes is playing this Saturday at Beehive Books in Delaware. We'll be playing two sets, starting around 7:30 pm. It'll be a nice, intimate setting with little (if any) amplification.

Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra Winter Performances Begin Tomorrow

2008-12-01T04:17:00.000-08:00

December 2, 1 pm
Clintonville Elementary School
10 Clinton Heights Ave
Columbus, Oh

December 4, 12 pm
Dublin Retirement Village
6470 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

December 9, 1 pm
Colonial Hills Elementary School
5800 Greenwich St.
Worthington, OH

December 11, 1 pm
Wellington Senior Living
5863 Scioto-Darby Road
Hilliard, Oh

December 13, 7:30 pm
Union County Care Train (Fundraiser)
Veterans Auditorium
233 W 6th Street
Marysville, Oh

December 15, 1 pm
Trillium Place Retirement Center
Trillium Crossing
Columbus, Oh

December 17, 12 pm
Cardinal Health
Dublin, Oh

December 18, 1 pm
Abbey Theater
Dublin Recreation Center
5600 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

Belated Thanksgiving

2008-11-29T06:24:00.000-08:00

Recently, a friend of a friend committed suicide. I wish I could say this was a rare occurrence, but I'm aware of a few suicides over the last couple of years. These have not been people I've known personally, but I think everyone can recognize the effect this would have on their survivors. And the question that hangs in the air is always the same: What could drive someone to take their own life?

A few years ago I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression. After a couple of rounds of talks with a therapist, and some trial-and-error work with various drugs, I'm able to manage it. Not that I don't still get depressed on occasion. Everyone does. I'm just able now to think through it and bring myself around the way most people do.

There are two distinct occasions where I was low enough to take such drastic measures. I won't go into details, but suffice to say, if it weren't for these two people, I might not be writing this now. The first occasion was a long time ago, when depression was still something that no one talked about. The second finally led to my diagnosis.

So that's what I'm thankful for this year: that Herman Geller and Tammy Howard were there.

French or German, Teil Zwei

2008-11-27T05:30:00.000-08:00

Note: I've decided to merge my music blog with this one. The following is a copy of the last post on my other blog. All future posts will be made to this blog and the other will no longer be updated.

About 8 months ago, I posted Bow Adventures, which described my troubles regarding the use of French vs. German grips on the double bass bow. During the time between then and now, I've worked exclusively with the French bow. That included the spring season with the Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra and the recording of the soon-to-be-released second Billy Two Shoes CD. And so just now I placed and order for a new carbon fiber Finale bow - with a German grip (right).

So why the return to German? I didn't mind the French grip. Certainly, there are advantages and disadvantages to each. And those disadvantages can be worked through successfully. But one of the difficulties that I had was trying to transfer the weight of my arm to the string. I could get a nice enough sound, but it wasn't very loud. This is compounded by the fact that my bass isn't very loud to begin with.

I've been doing a bit of playing with the bow lately with both the orchestra and B2S. About two weeks ago, my first finger on my right hand really started bothering me. I figured I just overworked my bow hand and needed to give it a rest. It took more than a week for the pain to subside. Finally, I started playing again and immediately noticed the issue. I'm putting too much pressure on my finger trying to play loudly. The leverage in the French grip just isn't working for me without straining my hand. I played with the orchestra for two hours last night, and today my first finger is swollen and sore.

So back to the German grip it is. I think that's ok though. Yes, I realize that, with effort, I could probably work through my problems and continue with the French, but I don't really see the need. My arms are long, which lends itself better to the German grip, and I can easily get more power and a nice sound with this grip. Since one isn't necessarily better than the other, why deal with the pain, right?

Along with the grip change, I'm also going back to my old rosin, Carlsson (see my post on rosin for details).

The String Emporium is currently out of stock on the bow. They'll be getting the next shipment after Thanksgiving, so it'll be a couple of weeks before my new bow gets to me. Once I get it and live with it a little, I'll write a review. Until then, I'll have to reacquaint myself with the only other German bow I have - a cheap fiberglass student bow. Yuck!

Let Freedom Ring

2008-11-10T18:07:00.001-08:00

See this Diary of a Modern Matriarch post for an explanation of the photo.

Hope & Change: It's a Good Thing

2008-11-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday night, when I first heard the words 'President-elect Barack Obama', I was elated. And the knowledge that Ohio played a key role in this history-making event brought an even bigger smile to my face.

But my elation was short lived. Wednesday morning, while checking out the various ballot measures that passed and failed, I was saddened to see that all of the anti-gay-marriage measures across the country passed. Even the one in California! If anywhere there was hope for equality in marriage, California was it. And Arkansas went one worse and made it illegal for non-married couples to adopt children or become foster parents. The proponents of this measure made it well known that they were targeting gay couples. So growing up with gay parents is worse than living in an orphanage?!? Or do they all think, as Newt Gingrich did, that orphanages should be like Bing Crosby movies?

There were some positive notes in the ballot measures too. Every single attack on women's reproductive rights were knocked down. This was no small feat. Especially chilling was the measure that would have defined life as the moment of conception, which would have made some forms of birth control illegal.

But the gay marriage thing really had me down. I have yet to hear a valid argument against it that does not invoke religion. And since ours is supposed to be a secular nation, it seems like a no brainer to me. I found myself wondering what kind of world we live in where we insist on having second-class citizenry.

Then I realized that I was cheating myself. This is a time to rejoice. The Bush administration, with any justice, will go down as the worst administration in American history. We have lived up to our ideals and elected a black man as president. Better yet, we elected and intelligent, thoughtful man who genuinely wants the job of turning this nation around. These next few years will be an exciting time. He has a lot to do, and it won't be easy by a long shot, but he's certainly the best man for the job.

We obviously have a ways to go before the idea of gay marriage will be accepted. I eagerly watched all of the debates, and was dismayed only once: when Joe Biden insisted that he and Obama will not fight for gay marriage.

I think the biggest issue standing in the way is that people don't think it's a civil rights issue. But this will change with time. Looking back at the battles for racial and sexual equality (battles that still are not over), it should be noted that things got worse before they got better. Maybe that's what's happening now. People are seeing their long-held beliefs being challenged and are fighting it the only way they know how. But it will happen. With enough effort on our part, people will begin to see things as they should be.

In the meantime, I'm going to allow myself to be happy for the hope that President-elect Obama has brought to us.

Edit: I forgot to include this link to Just Out describing a step forward this election cycle for the GLBT community.

Healthy Snacks, Your Way

2008-11-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

These pictures are from the vending machine at my job:

I realize the bottom picture isn't all that clear, but trust me, there's not a single healthy snack in there.

Trick or Treat? How about a scream?

2008-10-31T15:43:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sitting here with my laptop, handing out pretzels to the trick-or-treaters while my girls are off with their friends, and this little boy of about 6 years old walks up with his daddy in tow. I recognize him from about 15 minutes earlier because he's wearing a blue Power Rangers (or some such) costume with big white puffy diamonds on the arms and vinyl boots. The first time he was here he was very polite and thanked me appropriately.

I had just finished talking to another couple of kids when I looked over at him walking across the lawn again towards me. He immediately threw down his bucket and yelled at me "Why did you say 'no'!!!"

His dad looked at him and tried to assure him that I didn't say anything to him. I said "I didn't say 'no' to you. Why would I say 'no' to you?"

His response was to scream at me louder, like an angry scream "WHY! WHY! WHY!" He was turning red in the face and his dad was trying to calm him down without making too big a deal of it. Finally, the kids says "I'm not going trick-or-treating anymore! I'm just going to sit right here!" And with that, he plopped himself right down in the grass.

His dad and I looked at each other kind of perplexed, so I said "You're welcome sit here if you like. Do you want me to get you a chair?" He just made a pouty face and sat there, so I said "You know, I saw someone earlier in the same costume as yours and I thought it was very cool."

"One just like mine?" he asked.

"Yes, just like it. I remember 'cause I wished I had one like it."

He immediately smiled a huge smile and said very excitedly, "I was here earlier! That was me!"

"I thought that was you" I said. After that he was talking to his dad and me in the sweetest voice, just as happy as can be.

Of course, I let him have more pretzels.

"Why Do You Have Earrings And A Ponytail?"

2008-09-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was asked this very question by a young boy a couple of weeks ago. The answer I gave was a very simple "Well, I've just always liked long hair and earrings." The actual reason is a bit deeper than that.

For about as long as I can remember, I've had long hair. My mom used to keep my hair long when I was a little boy. My dad, of course, didn't like it. There's was a story in my family that my dad actually paid a waitress in a restaurant to say to me "What a cute little girl." Don't know if that's true or not.

I do know that, as a teen, I got a lot of crap for the length of my hair. Guys were always trying to start fights with me. I mostly just ignored them. My step-dad and his friends would just refer to me as "Gay" - as in "Hey Gay, how ya doin'?" That didn't really bother me either. I just never cared too much about what people thought.

I got my first earring March 16th, 1980. It was the Sunday before St. Patrick's Day of my freshman year in high school. I don't know why I remember it that way, I just do. My mom and I agreed that an earring would be cool, so she took me to Piercing Pagoda at the Shore Mall in Pleasantville, NJ. At the time, there were very few boys in school with pierced ears. I remember one kid telling me that if he ever got in a fight with a guy with an earring, the first thing he'd do is grab the earring and rip.

My second piercing came on March 5th, 1982. I remember it because it was the day John Belushi died. A couple friends, my girlfriend and I were in my room listening to music and I decided I wanted a second hole in my left ear. My girlfriend got some ice and a needle and, a few drops of blood later, I was the first in my class to have two holes in my ear.

It was probably about the summer of '84 when I got my right ear pierced. My friend Doug wanted to get his ear pierced for the first time, so I went with him to the Ocean One Mall in Atlantic City. The Piercing Pagoda there was running some kind of deal where you could get two piercings for the price of one. I didn't want a third hole in my left ear, so I decided to do my right. Doug tried to talk me out of it, but I figured people didn't get much cooler than Jimi Hendrix, and he had both ears pierced.

So, why do I still have long hair and earrings? Because when I look in the mirror, I see me looking back. There were, of course, times in my adult life when my hair was short and my ears were jewelry free. This was never by choice, and always because of job restrictions. During these times, I'd look in the mirror and a stranger would look back at me. A stranger who looked like Danny Tanner from Full House. I just never felt right with short hair.

When I got my current job, my hair was short. After I was here for a couple of years and had proved myself to the company, I checked out the dress code and found there were no restrictions on hair length or earrings beyond the size of the earring. Finally, it was me looking back from the mirror.

Fortunately, no one tries to start fights with me anymore. But I do get to live the whole thing all over again as my daughter, who likes to wear all black, tells me that kids pick on her for the way she dresses. I try to tell her that it's ok to be herself and that she just needs to get a thicker skin, but sometimes that's easier said than done.

Kudos to Cardinal Health

2008-09-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'm not always proud to work here, but I am today:

Cardinal ranked among top gay-friendly workplaces

Keep Making That Face And It'll Stay That Way

2008-08-22T04:28:00.000-07:00

I remember as a young boy noticing that cartoons always depicted a frown as a pronounced arch. But this puzzled me because I never really saw someone frown like that. Certainly not so dramatically as they did in drawings. (I'm guessing I had not fully grasped the concept of caricatures at this point.) Of course, it never really bothered me that no one exactly smiled with a capital 'U' in the middle of their face either, but that's me.

Anyhow, I distinctly remember sitting in front of the mirror, trying to make my face frown like the people in cartoons. And with a little work, I succeeded. Sure, it was a strain. My face muscles fought back, telling me this was not a natural position for the corners of my mouth. But soon I had strengthened those muscles and perfected the cartoon frown.

Now, here I am, probably 35 years later, looking at some recent pictures of my playing in a jazz combo and the orchestra:

What the hell?!?

Now, I realize that musicians make all kinds of facial and bodily contortions when they play. Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull performs some sort of gymnastic floor exercise when he's playing his flute and Joe Cocker appears to be having a seizure when he sings. Numerous guitarists make painful faces, as if it's physically hurting them to make their guitar speak. Premier jazz bassist Rufus Reid goes between two facial expressions: bemused wonder (with pursed lips and wide eyes) and extreme joy (greatest grin I ever did see).

Me? With my furrowed brow and cartoon frown, I have a look that hovers somewhere between anger and sadness, probably because I can't get the bass to play what I'm telling it to play.

When I was in the recording studio last night, I thought about my expression when I'm playing. I had to make a conscious effort to not look angry. I can only image what kind of grimace I came up with. Maybe that's why the engineer kept asking me if I was ok.

These pictures got me wondering just how often I make this face. Do I go through life with a perpetual frown just because I made faces as a kid? Is this why no one ever talks to me? I've found myself looking in my rear view mirror on more than one occasion while driving, trying to turn my frown upside down. I was doing the same thing the other day in the restroom at work before someone else walked in and I had to hurry and pretend to wash my hands.

The thing is, I've seen pictures of me when the photographer yells "Say cheese". I don't look natural. You can see the pain in my eyes. The muscle strain of having to hold my mouth in this awkward, foreign position. Hell, even when I have no expression at all, my mouth isn't straight across; it dips down on the ends. It'll be interesting to see what I look like in 30 or 40 more years...a grumpy old curmudgeon that kids throw eggs at.

Can you train yourself to smile at 44?

The List

2008-08-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

The other day, my wife posted her "freebie list". None of these choices surprised me; her list has been pretty consistent over the years. This, of course, prompted me to compose my list. Sounds like fun, right?

We always joke about "the list" and who's on it. It's a fun game of "what if" that is never really taken seriously (well, usually - I did have a relationship broken-up once by someone who looked uncannily like David Lee Roth, who happened to be on her list).

So, who do I include on my list? The problem is, my list always seems to change depending on my mood. Ooh, she's on my list! So is she! And her too! What the hell, put him on my list too! How many do we get again?

Putting the list down in a blog is akin to laminating it and putting it in your wallet. This requires some thought. Should I be so obvious as to include Scarlett Johansson and J. Lo? What about the pure fantasy women like Marilyn Monroe, Myrna Loy and Betty Rubble? I just don't feel right including Anne Hathaway and Melissa Joan Hart.

That being said, here's my list...

Christina Applegate
On my list from the moment Kelly Bundy turned of age. I was so happy to see her new show doing well. She's a classic beauty with that certain girl-next-door quality. It seems almost a shame to include her on such a crass list. Almost.

Rosario Dawson
While Rachel Leigh Cook was adorable as Josie, Rosario's Valerie brought the real sex appeal to Josie & The Pussycats. Follow that with dancing and singing in Rent and kicking ass in Grindhouse, and she easily earns a spot on my list.

Charlize Theron
Beautiful, smart, talented. What's not to like about Charlize Theron?

I loved that she took on the Monster role, and fought hard for it. Very brave. Which brings me to the next entry on my list...

Christina Ricci
What can I say? She appeals to my quirky side. Sure, she's done family/children features like Casper and Speed Racer, but she's done some pretty raunchy stuff too. I haven't seen Black Snake Moan because, frankly, I'm scared. She never seems one to play it safe.

Her alternates would be Bjork and Helena Bonham Carter.

Queen Latifah
This woman is just downright gorgeous. She exudes confidence from every pore. Her voice is wonderful and she's not afraid to be exactly who she is. Oh, and the curves!

So there you have it. That's my list. Some of my favorite TV and movie "girlfriends" are notably absent: Jami Gertz, Dinah Manoff and Ann-Margaret spring immediately to mind. Oh, and Valerie Bertinelli. And Janeane Garofalo. And...

I love you honey :)

Reports: DeGeneres and de Rossi wed in California

2008-08-18T04:35:00.000-07:00

Found this article on Yahoo this morning:

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - There was much dancing: Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are married, according to reports.

In the biggest celebrity union since California legalized same-sex marriage, DeGeneres, 50, and de Rossi, 35, wed Saturday night in an intimate ceremony at their Beverly Hills home, People and Us Magazine reported.

A publicist for DeGeneres confirmed People's report and gave no further comment.
After the California Supreme Court's ruling in May, the talk-show host announced that she and de Rossi would wed after four years together.

The ceremony was attended by 19 guests, including DeGeneres' mom, Betty, and de Rossi's mother, Margaret Rogers, who had flown in from Australia, People.com reported Saturday night.

DeGeneres said after winning her fourth consecutive Daytime Emmy for talk show host in June that a date had not been set, and that she would show "a tiny bit" of the nuptials on her show.

While opponents in California have gathered signatures to put a measure on the November ballot for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, Hollywood was throwing its support behind the newlyweds.

Congrats to the happy couple. I hope the people of California allow them to remain married.

What Breed of Liberal Are You?

2008-08-05T03:51:00.000-07:00

Here's what I got. How about you?

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Peace Patroller, also known as an anti-war liberal or neo-hippie. You believe in putting an end to American imperial conquest, stopping wars that have already been lost, and supporting our troops by bringing them home.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

30 Years

2008-06-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken 30 years ago - June 1978. Left to right is Dennis Haberkern, Jeff Thinschmidt, Rob Rando and me. My very first paying gig, we got five dollars.

A Nice Moment Pumping Gas

2008-06-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

I'm standing by my car at the gas station. It's almost completely empty and the tripometer (which I reset every time I fill up) says 359.8 miles. Gas is now $3.849/gallon, which is down from the weekend.

It the pump behind me is an older gentleman filling Prius. And on the other side from him is another feeding a full size pick-up. I won't deny the convenience and necessity of a pick-up at times, I've owned a few myself, but I couldn't help but notice the two vehicles from the opposite ends of the spectrum at the same pump.

As I was returning the pump nozzle to the pump, the guy from the Prius approached me and said "I was following you the other day. I really like the statements on the back of your car. Just wanted you to know I really appreciate it. Thank you."

Needless to say, this made my morning. It no longer bothered me that I was driving to work in a torrential downpour.

As a side note, it took 9.86 gallons to fill my tank, which means I averaged 36.5 miles per gallon. Not too shabby. I've noticed that I'm able to stretch another 1.5 - 2 mpg just by modifying my driving habits. I don't floor it to accelerate, I keep it under 60 mph, and I keep the engine breaking to a minimum. I gained another 1 mpg or so just by changing the air filter. All worth it I think.

This Hell Called Suburbia

2008-06-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

I hate living in the suburbs:

How did I get here?
We were living in south Jersey with two little girls and no support system. We moved to Columbus in order to be closer to my sister-in-law and her daughter. (I'll spare the reader an analysis of the flaws of that logic.) Just as we were running out of money and thinking of just renting an apartment here, our house in SJ sold so we bought our current house. Had we not bought when we did, we would have lost certain advantages that were worked out in my relocation package.

But don't get me wrong. We liked the house. Decent neighborhood, good schools, blah blah blah. Besides, it's all part of the American dream. A house, a mortgage or two, two cars, a green lawn surrounded by a picket fence. This is what our parents and grandparents struggled for, right?

Why do I hate it so?
For starters, there's the house itself. It looks like every other house in the development, which looks like every other house in every other development. The main feature of every one is the garage. A garage with an attached house. Nobody uses their front door, they use the garage. The walkway from the front door doesn't even go to the sidewalk out front; it curves around to the driveway. Even those houses with the driveway on the side instead of the front have no way of getting to the front door without walking on the grass.

But that's not really a big deal I suppose, because the development is not set up for walking. Sure, you have people walking for exercise in the morning, before they get in their car and drive to work or the store or just down the street. Every street is curved. Every land plot is oddly shaped to account for the curves. I have to go to Google maps just to find how to get to a different street in my development because you never know where a street is going to take you. I once got lost walking the dog around the block. I'm not kidding.

Even if the development were constructed on a grid, we'd still be screwed. There are no sidewalks anywhere outside of the development. My sister-in-law lives less than a mile away, but there's no way of walking there without taking your life in your hands. All of the restaurants are located by the interstate, and the grocery store is too far away to do anything but drive. Even the local "convenience" store requires walking along a busy road with no sidewalk. It's all just very ridiculous.

We haven't even touched on why I should probably not be a home owner to begin with. I don't like working in the yard. I don't like working outside. I don't like doing home improvements. All of which goes a long way toward explaining why the house and yard looks as it does.

If not here, where?
Central Ohio is a cultural wasteland. We can't maintain an orchestra or a jazz club, and touring companies come here as a last resort. It seems that the only places to eat and shop are chains. It's no wonder Men's Health magazine listed Columbus in the number 2 spot of their rank of cities with the most sex. There's nothing else to do here!

All of that aside, I'd still much rather live within the city itself than the suburbs. A condo or apartment in the city, with public transportation, no grass to mow or snow to shovel, and restaurants and grocers within biking distance.

Now, we're pretty much stuck here for some time. The economy is in the toilet and it's a buyer's market. Plus, I think the kids would hate me more than they already claim to for "ruining their lives" if I moved them now. But after the kids move out, it's all open. Philly, Toronto, The Cleve. Who knows where we'll go. But you can bet it won't be a suburb.

Meds Rock!

2008-05-30T04:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it took a few days (and a couple of depression fueled posts on twitter and my music), but I'm finally starting to feel better. I wanted a beer last night, so I think I'll just pour what I have down the sink.

Depression Sucks!

2008-05-28T03:58:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day weekend. Time to grill some steaks, crack open a few beers and enjoy an extra day off from work. But be careful - don't let the disruption to the normal routine cause you to forget to take your medication. Otherwise you'll find yourself clawing and scratching your way out of a funk.

I think I just need to quit drinking entirely. Alcohol is a depressant. Add to that the unexpected absence of 20 mg. of Lexapro, and I'm not a happy camper.

How to Carry Stuff

2008-05-22T17:35:00.000-07:00

This has been bothering me for at least a year now. Actually, longer than that, it's just come to the forefront over the last year. But first, a little personal history...

When I was working in Atlantic City as a parking lot attendant, I carried a lot of cash. I carried it in my left front pocket so that it was easily accessible. My wallet was one of those biker chain-wallets, kept in my back pocket. This served me well for some time, until I outgrew the chain wallet.

I remember reading somewhere that keeping a wallet in your back pocket is bad for your back. Makes sense to me. I also remember watching someone on TV explain that the safest place to keep a wallet is in the front pocket so it's harder to steal. They also suggested keeping money in a money clip in a different pocket so that, in the event of a mugging, you can take the money and throw it in one direction while running in the other. The thief will likely go after the money instead of you. This also made sense to me, so that's what I did. I went to the mall and bought a smallish leather card wallet to hold my license and cards and such, and a money clip. The wallet went in my right front pocket, the money clip in my left. Eventually I abandoned the money clip because it was, more often than not, empty. This lasted me for several years.

Then, along came cell phones. My first one was rather large compared to those of today. I kept it in a pouch on my belt. I hated that pouch! I ruined the lines of my jacket if I chose to dress nicely. I got in the way when I sat down or when buckling my seatbelt. It just didn't work. Then I got a PalmPilot to go with the cell phone. I had a chord that would connect the two so I could actually browse the web and check email with my Palm. So then I got a little wallet that would hold both the Palm and cell phone, along with all of my cards and such. This was great because it emptied my pockets! Of course, the first time I lost it, I freaked out until some Good Samaritan called my home phone (he looked it up on my cell) saying that he found it.

After that, I combined my efforts and got a Smart phone (cell and Palm in one). It was HUGE and heavy and not fun to carry. I put it on my belt, but I wasn't happy about it.

My next cell phone was smaller and fit just a little better on my belt. But it was a flip phone and would constantly get caught on stuff. I really didn't like it.

I decided my next phone would be a Chocolate, because it could double as a music player and it was small enough that I could put it in my pocket. So that's what I have now. Aside from the fact that, as a music player the Chocolate sucks, and as a phone it's not much better, it does indeed fit in my pocket. Of course, this means that I have one rectangular bulge on my right thigh where my card wallet is (yes, the same one I bought at the mall 20 years ago) and one rectangular bulge on my left thigh where my cell phone is. Add to those bulges a set of keys and, on rare occasions, money, and I begin to look like I have some very unfortunate deformities.

So, last fall my wife bought me a messenger bag. I had been tossing the idea around for some time, and it seemed to make sense. The fact that I'd seen absolutely NO men carrying messenger bags here in the mid-west didn't phase me too much, I've never given these things much thought. I moved everything to the bag and carried more stuff with me as well (an umbrella, ear buds so I could listen to my crappy music phone, my journal, reading material...). I liked it very much. But then it started becoming cumbersome. It was too easy to put stuff in. It got heavy. Plus, while I don't really care too much what other people think, it's still a little odd going into a hardware store full of manly-men carrying what amounts to a purse.

That's where I am now. I change my mind every few days as to which route to take. The pro/con lists in my mind grow on a daily basis.

Stuffed Pockets - pros

Difficult to steal
Nothing to keep track of

Stuffed Pockets - cons

Uncomfortable, particularly when it's hot
Looks absolutely ridiculous
Are we certain cell phones don't cause cancer? Cause I'm carrying mine right next to my sack!

The Murse - pros

Holds more stuff
Indiana Jones carries one

The Murse - cons

Can be cumbersome and heavy
Easy to steal
Can't hear phone (not sure if that's a con or not really)
Often referred to as a murse

As this debate continues in my head, I'll keep switching off. My pockets are currently stuffed, but I'll bet I carry the bag tomorrow.

I Need This Bumper Sticker

2008-04-17T04:51:00.001-07:00

(image courtesy American Atheists)

Universal Health Care

2008-03-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

Why is this concept feared so much? Other countries do it quite successfully. The right wants to keep health care privatized. Well, we see what that's done for us, haven't we?

Just the other day, Dennis Irwin (a jazz bassist in New York) died of cancer. He did not have health insurance because he couldn't afford it. A benefit was held by several prominent jazz artists to help raise funds to cover his medical expenses. A few weeks ago, before he died, someone posted a note about him on a bass player's email list to which I belong. He closed the note by suggesting people vote Democrat so we can get some heath care for people who need it. For several days after, the list was bombarded with arguments for and against universal health care. I was astonished by one person in particular who suggested it was his own fault for choosing a profession (musician) that does not pay enough.

In this global economy, jobs are getting outsourced on a daily basis. I personally have taken an interest in identifying jobs that cannot be outsourced. Quite often these are service industry jobs. Hairdresser, for instance, cannot be outsourced. It's a valid and necessary profession that must be performed on location. Does a hairdresser make enough money to afford health insurance? Probably not. Does the shop in which the hairdresser works pay for insurance for its employees? Doubtful. So, unless the hairdresser can get coverage under their spouse, they're out of luck. And what of those who are single either by choice or because the law will not allow them to marry due to their sexual orientation?

I know of a person who is currently working three jobs, yet works 60 hours a week. She does not have a degree beyond high school (face it, not everyone is college bound), so her job choices are limited. Because each of her jobs is a part-time position, she does not have health insurance. As such, she was sidelined recently by a mere urinary tract infection, which she treated herself by drinking gallons of cranberry juice.

Are we all so self centered and non-caring as to let our friends and neighbors endure illness and massive health care bills just because it might cost us a couple of pennies?

I saw someone on The Daily Show recently who suggested that the government's only job should be to protect us from harm and that it should keep out of everything else (except our bedrooms, no doubt). He insisted that even trash pick-up should be privatized. Of course, if this were so, would the people with those jobs make enough? Would their companies buy insurance for them? I'm sure he would agree that anyone who can't afford to buy health insurance just shouldn't have it. I wonder who cuts his hair.

Politics?!? Really?!?

2008-03-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

First, let me apologize to my loyal readers (both of you) for removing my old blog, "Random Thoughts." It's interesting to see what stupid thing depression can make you do.

Now, politics. Earlier this week, Ohio played the wonderful roll of helping to keep Hilary in the race for the Democratic nomination. I am proud to have played a part in it, and even more proud to finally be presented with the choice of selecting the woman or the black man on the ballot.

I like both of them. I find them to be very similar and would be surprised at this point if, in the end, both of their names aren't on the ticket. I like Hilary just a little bit more, which is why I voted for her. Former President Clinton was, in my opinion, the best president this country has had in my lifetime. Having Senator Clinton serve would hopefully bring this country back from the depths of hell to which the current administration has subjected us.

I do have some reservations about her though. First, I don't like that she followed the pack and voted to give Bush the authority to invade Iraq back in 2002. But I can look past that. People make mistakes. A bigger concern for me is that, with Hilary on the ticket, Republicans will come out in droves to vote not for McCain, but to keep her out. People don't like her. A lot of people don't like her. I don't know why this is. Is it just because she's married to Bill? Is it because she's strong? I just don't get it.

I've been really torn over the last few years. I don't like the fact that ours is really a two-party system. If I were to vote with my heart, I'd vote (and have in the past) Green Party, because they really speak to my ideals. But everyone knows that a third party candidate will not be elected. I have used my vote to try to send a message, thinking that if enough people do so, we might gain some notice. So far, no one has noticed.

For now, I'm just happy to be able to vote for someone rather than against someone.