"Why Do You Have Earrings And A Ponytail?"

I was asked this very question by a young boy a couple of weeks ago. The answer I gave was a very simple "Well, I've just always liked long hair and earrings." The actual reason is a bit deeper than that.

For about as long as I can remember, I've had long hair. My mom used to keep my hair long when I was a little boy. My dad, of course, didn't like it. There's was a story in my family that my dad actually paid a waitress in a restaurant to say to me "What a cute little girl." Don't know if that's true or not.

I do know that, as a teen, I got a lot of crap for the length of my hair. Guys were always trying to start fights with me. I mostly just ignored them. My step-dad and his friends would just refer to me as "Gay" - as in "Hey Gay, how ya doin'?" That didn't really bother me either. I just never cared too much about what people thought.

I got my first earring March 16th, 1980. It was the Sunday before St. Patrick's Day of my freshman year in high school. I don't know why I remember it that way, I just do. My mom and I agreed that an earring would be cool, so she took me to Piercing Pagoda at the Shore Mall in Pleasantville, NJ. At the time, there were very few boys in school with pierced ears. I remember one kid telling me that if he ever got in a fight with a guy with an earring, the first thing he'd do is grab the earring and rip.

My second piercing came on March 5th, 1982. I remember it because it was the day John Belushi died. A couple friends, my girlfriend and I were in my room listening to music and I decided I wanted a second hole in my left ear. My girlfriend got some ice and a needle and, a few drops of blood later, I was the first in my class to have two holes in my ear.

It was probably about the summer of '84 when I got my right ear pierced. My friend Doug wanted to get his ear pierced for the first time, so I went with him to the Ocean One Mall in Atlantic City. The Piercing Pagoda there was running some kind of deal where you could get two piercings for the price of one. I didn't want a third hole in my left ear, so I decided to do my right. Doug tried to talk me out of it, but I figured people didn't get much cooler than Jimi Hendrix, and he had both ears pierced.

So, why do I still have long hair and earrings? Because when I look in the mirror, I see me looking back. There were, of course, times in my adult life when my hair was short and my ears were jewelry free. This was never by choice, and always because of job restrictions. During these times, I'd look in the mirror and a stranger would look back at me. A stranger who looked like Danny Tanner from Full House. I just never felt right with short hair.

When I got my current job, my hair was short. After I was here for a couple of years and had proved myself to the company, I checked out the dress code and found there were no restrictions on hair length or earrings beyond the size of the earring. Finally, it was me looking back from the mirror.

Fortunately, no one tries to start fights with me anymore. But I do get to live the whole thing all over again as my daughter, who likes to wear all black, tells me that kids pick on her for the way she dresses. I try to tell her that it's ok to be herself and that she just needs to get a thicker skin, but sometimes that's easier said than done.

How to Carry Stuff

This has been bothering me for at least a year now. Actually, longer than that, it's just come to the forefront over the last year. But first, a little personal history...

When I was working in Atlantic City as a parking lot attendant, I carried a lot of cash. I carried it in my left front pocket so that it was easily accessible. My wallet was one of those biker chain-wallets, kept in my back pocket. This served me well for some time, until I outgrew the chain wallet.

I remember reading somewhere that keeping a wallet in your back pocket is bad for your back. Makes sense to me. I also remember watching someone on TV explain that the safest place to keep a wallet is in the front pocket so it's harder to steal. They also suggested keeping money in a money clip in a different pocket so that, in the event of a mugging, you can take the money and throw it in one direction while running in the other. The thief will likely go after the money instead of you. This also made sense to me, so that's what I did. I went to the mall and bought a smallish leather card wallet to hold my license and cards and such, and a money clip. The wallet went in my right front pocket, the money clip in my left. Eventually I abandoned the money clip because it was, more often than not, empty. This lasted me for several years.

Then, along came cell phones. My first one was rather large compared to those of today. I kept it in a pouch on my belt. I hated that pouch! I ruined the lines of my jacket if I chose to dress nicely. I got in the way when I sat down or when buckling my seatbelt. It just didn't work. Then I got a PalmPilot to go with the cell phone. I had a chord that would connect the two so I could actually browse the web and check email with my Palm. So then I got a little wallet that would hold both the Palm and cell phone, along with all of my cards and such. This was great because it emptied my pockets! Of course, the first time I lost it, I freaked out until some Good Samaritan called my home phone (he looked it up on my cell) saying that he found it.

After that, I combined my efforts and got a Smart phone (cell and Palm in one). It was HUGE and heavy and not fun to carry. I put it on my belt, but I wasn't happy about it.

My next cell phone was smaller and fit just a little better on my belt. But it was a flip phone and would constantly get caught on stuff. I really didn't like it.

I decided my next phone would be a Chocolate, because it could double as a music player and it was small enough that I could put it in my pocket. So that's what I have now. Aside from the fact that, as a music player the Chocolate sucks, and as a phone it's not much better, it does indeed fit in my pocket. Of course, this means that I have one rectangular bulge on my right thigh where my card wallet is (yes, the same one I bought at the mall 20 years ago) and one rectangular bulge on my left thigh where my cell phone is. Add to those bulges a set of keys and, on rare occasions, money, and I begin to look like I have some very unfortunate deformities.

So, last fall my wife bought me a messenger bag. I had been tossing the idea around for some time, and it seemed to make sense. The fact that I'd seen absolutely NO men carrying messenger bags here in the mid-west didn't phase me too much, I've never given these things much thought. I moved everything to the bag and carried more stuff with me as well (an umbrella, ear buds so I could listen to my crappy music phone, my journal, reading material...). I liked it very much. But then it started becoming cumbersome. It was too easy to put stuff in. It got heavy. Plus, while I don't really care too much what other people think, it's still a little odd going into a hardware store full of manly-men carrying what amounts to a purse.

That's where I am now. I change my mind every few days as to which route to take. The pro/con lists in my mind grow on a daily basis.

Stuffed Pockets - pros

• Difficult to steal
• Nothing to keep track of

Stuffed Pockets - cons

• Uncomfortable, particularly when it's hot
• Looks absolutely ridiculous
• Are we certain cell phones don't cause cancer? Cause I'm carrying mine right next to my sack!
  

The Murse - pros

• Holds more stuff
• Indiana Jones carries one
  

The Murse - cons

• Can be cumbersome and heavy
• Easy to steal
• Can't hear phone (not sure if that's a con or not really)
  
• Often referred to as a murse

As this debate continues in my head, I'll keep switching off. My pockets are currently stuffed, but I'll bet I carry the bag tomorrow.