20 Years

Last month marked 20 years since my mom died. She died very suddenly at the age of 41 from a brain aneurysm. Since my parents had divorced when I was young and I was raised mostly by her alone, this devastated me. It took me a long time to recover from this. And as I did, I began to change.

As a young man, I was very much as I was when I was a teenager. I was stubborn, narcissistic and border-line misogynistic. If it didn't directly effect me, it didn't exist. No one's opinion mattered but my own. My relationships were clouded in jealousy and distrust. I often said things with little or no regard to other people's feelings. I was not a very good friend.

I had never really suffered anything remotely approaching tragedy. I suppose parents divorcing is fairly traumatic to a child, but I didn't recognize this then. I remember being told of a friend's parent dying, and I didn't understand what the big deal was. People die. We all will. Get over it.

And then my mom died. And finally I understood. I became aware of mortality; my own and that of others. I began to really look at the person that I was, and I didn't like him. I began to understand the hurt that I had caused people, the relationships that I ruined. I didn't want to be that person anymore.

It's been a long road from there to here. I'm saddened still to think of how I was then, but I try to make up for it now. I don't always succeed, but I try.

But Where Are Those Good, Old Fashioned Values?

Sex, drugs, violence, bad language. TV is full of it. So are the movies.

As parents, we try to find a balance between overexposure and unrealistic sheltering. As the kids get older, this becomes more difficult. They've seen beer commercials and know that sex sells. They've been to the mall and heard bad language. Hell, they don't have to go to the mall for that. They just have to go school.

But here's what I find interesting: given the two, sex and violence, what's worse? My girls have reached the age where they're really into horror and slasher flicks. Since I also like horror and slasher flicks, I'm digging this stage. And as a parent, I watch the films first beforehand so I'm not surprised by anything. I recently enjoyed "Diary of the Dead" (George Romero really is the master of the genre) and I can't wait to watch it with the girls. No nudity, little bad language, lots and lots of blood and guts.

The thing is, as human beings, they will have sex. They will see people naked. I, for one, hope that they have healthy, happy sex lives when the time is right. But they will make mistakes. We all have. And they will learn from most of them, just like we have. (Notice I didn't say all - there are some things we just never learn.)

As middle-school/junior high students, they've heard just about every "bad" word there is. I've read my daughter's blog. She uses them correctly.

Unfortunately, sometimes people experience violence. But we all hope that this never happens to us or our children. And for the majority of us, it won't. Certainly not to the extent that we see on TV. And yet, sex and language seem to be of most concern. But why is that? Do we really think George Carlin's 7 words will do our children irreparable harm? Will seeing a breast or a penis scar them for life? How about watching someone get shot in the head?

Maybe it's just our own discomfort that leads to this. I was watching "Robocop" with my youngest (11) a couple of weeks ago. She was unphased by the massive killing machine at the beginning (too fake) and the violence (the guy losing his hand was cool and the guy splattered by the car was gross). But the language bothered her. To be honest, I forgot how bad the language is in that movie. Even so, it wasn't anything she hasn't heard before. But she was uncomfortable with it. And so was I.

Some weeks before, all four of us watched "Interview With The Vampire". Again, the blood and violence was just no big deal, though it did make for a great movie. The nudity, on the other hand, made us all uneasy.

So maybe it's our own uneasiness with sex that causes us to guard against it more. Or maybe we don't feel the need to shield them as much from things they may never experience (and I'm not just talking about vampires and zombies - there's plenty of realistic violence on TV as well).

I don't have any answers here, other than to turn off the TV I suppose.

Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra Spring 2009 Performance Schedule

May 5, 1:30 pm
Friendship Village- Columbus
5800 Forest Hill Blvd.
Columbus, Oh

May 7, 1 pm
Wellington Senior Community
5863 Scioto-Darby Road
Hilliard, Oh

May 12, 1 pm
Whetstone Community Center
3923 North High Street
Columbus, OH

May 14, 1 pm
North Broadway United Methodist Church
48 E. North Broadway
Columbus, Oh

May 19, 1 pm
Trillium Place Retirement Center
Trillium Crossing
Columbus, Oh

May 20, 12 pm
Cardinal Health
Dublin, Oh

May 21, 1 pm
Abbey Theater
Dublin Recreation Center
5600 Post Road
Dublin, Oh

June 13, 7:30 pm
Union County Humane Society (Fundraiser)
Veterans Auditorium
233 W 6th Street
Marysville, Oh

Billy Two Shoes Videos

Here are some videos from the Billy Two Shoes performance at Beehive Books last night:

Haystack


Doin' What You Can


Best That You Leave It Alone


Beggar's Den

Antisocial Media

Yes, I have a blog, which you're reading. I have Twitter. I have MySpace and Facebook. That's a lot for someone who is essentially antisocial. Oh, I get together with people sometimes and talk and laugh and even enjoy myself, but even then, I let others do most of the talking and I observe. That's just me.

So what am I doing with all of these social media accounts? To be honest, I don't know. It started a couple of years ago with a blog. I posted to it every so often for my own enjoyment, mostly thoughts on politics and such. Of course, the only person who read it was my wife, and she knows my politics (and fortunately agrees with them).

Then I started a blog just for my music, thinking I'd use it as a sort of practice log. Of course, that didn't work out the way I'd planned because, as I learned a long time ago, just because it's on a computer that doesn't mean you'll do it.

I created a MySpace page so that I could post some music. I did manage to find a few old friends through it, so it wasn't a total bust. But I've never used it the way most people do, for networking. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've commented on someone else's page.

I'm not sure when/why I logged onto Facebook. I had the account for a year before I even did anything with it. I just never understood it. I still don't really. I've managed to find a couple more old friends through it, and I occasionally update my status and even have my blog forwarding to it, but I just don't understand how to use it.

And then there's Twitter. I update it occasionally as well, but wonder if anyone really cares that I ran out of milk and had to use reconstituted dry milk on my breakfast cereal.

I've read articles on using social media for gaining a larger audience, and I suppose if I had something to give or sell, that might make sense. But even then, that's just not me. I rarely talk to strangers and I don't know how to make small talk. I deleted my old blog out of frustration and created a new one 6 months later, but still rarely write anything significant (including this piece).

I'm often jealous of those who are social, who have a lot of followers on Twitter, who get a lot of comments on their blogs. But in the end, I just don't have what it takes to build a following, and don't really care to do the leg work (finger work?) to learn. Instead, I just log in to see what everyone else has to say, observe the interactions of those virtually around me, and then make use of the greatest antisocial media of all, the off button.

Billy Two Shoes Gig Friday, January 2nd

Billy Two Shoes is playing this Friday at Beehive Books in Delaware for Delaware's First Friday event. We'll be playing two sets, starting around 7:30 pm. It'll be a nice, intimate setting with little (if any) amplification.

Orchestra Pictures

I added a few pictures from our winter performances:

Cardinal Health Chamber Orchestra - Winter 2008